I was not raised in a household where we gathered for family meals at a table.  My recollection of eating was to survive and fill a hungry belly rather than indulging in pleasure.  The act of eating in my family did not signify the nourishment of the body and soul.  

During my early twenties, Brad Braland became a part of my life, and we got married.  Prior to having children, Brad and I would share meals seated across from one another at a table.  However, once we became parents, we would sit closest to the kid who needed our help eating rather than decorating the walls and floors with red spaghetti sauce and meatballs rolling out the door.  This natural circumstance brought us closer together during mealtime, as we gathered as a family.  

Unexpectedly, Brad passed away just a few days shy of his 40th birthday, leaving me behind with our three young children aged 6,4, and 2.  In the days that followed, I vividly recall fighting back tears as I gathered the kids around the table. At times, I reverted to a survival mode mentality when it came to food and mealtimes.  It was during this challenging period that I stumbled upon the TV sitcom “Parenthood.”  From that show, I drew inspiration from the depiction of an outdoor garden, a spacious table, and a close knit family gathering there.  Witnessing that scene resonated deeply within me, igniting a strong desire for my children and myself to experience such a bond and togetherness.  

I believe that Brad and I would have naturally progressed towards a table setting similar to the one portrayed on “Parenthood.”  A table setting where there is a head and foot of the table.  Traditionally, at a table setting, two armchairs are reserved for the host and the hostess.  The host occupies the head of the table, while the hostess sits at the foot.  The head of the table has symbolically represented a position of authority, often reserved for the father within a family context.  However, with Brad no longer with us, I contemplated how to move forward with my new vision of family mealtimes, now consisting only of the children and myself.  I was no longer a child who ate merely to survive, nor was I seated at a table where every hand was dedicated to feeding a bustling group of kids.  

I had to establish an unwavering habit, one that was non-negotiable.  Thankfully, my experiences of persevering through difficult circumstances in the past proved valuable in pushing through this challenging phase.  The process itself was arduous and not something I wish to repeat.  However, it became a journey that I wanted to encourage other widows, widowers, and single mothers or dads to embark on, by adopting a non-negotiable habit within their own families.  Gather at the table together as a family!

I urge every family, no matter who comes to the table, to start by identifying just one thing they could commit to every day in pursuit of this goal, even if it means that the sole objective for the day is to prepare a meal.  Some days, I found myself lacking the motivation to even go grocery shopping, let alone cook.  On those days, I would simply opt for a take out meal and gather around the able with my children.  I encourage others to do whatever they can, repeatedly, until a next step can be taken. 

Eventually, you can expand on this habit by incorporating meaningful conversations and, perhaps, a post meal game time with cookies.  Even today, when we bring out board games, my children instinctively make tea and grab some cookies.  This ritual originated from the habit I cultivated one step at a time with them.  

What has this habit fostered within my family?  Connection.  Around our family table, we have nourished both our bodies and our souls.  Over the years, we have discovered moments of joy amidst our sorrows.  The tears that once accompanied our mealtimes gradually subsided.  Occasionally, tears may resurface, especially on Father’s Day when we feel Brad’s absence.  Yet, in these moments, we look at one another and remember the immense challenges we have conquered together.  We find solace in the fact that we have triumphed over adversity and continue to thrive as a family.